I woke up to a dull beeping noise. My head was pounding, I tried to rub my temples to alleviate the pain, but my wrists were strapped to the bed. I was back in the doctor’s office from when I first arrived. I looked around the room, empty aside from medical equipment, a mirror on the far wall across from me.

Staring at myself, disheveled and exhausted, strapped to a hospital bed, I started to cry. How did I get here? How did everything get so royally fucked? What had I done to deserve this? You killed Josh.

And then it hit me all over again. The pictures of Josh’s body laying bloody on our living room floor, the trophy they used – I used – to kill him covered in his blood and hair and lord knows what else. How could I have done something like that to a person? Let alone a person I loved? 

As I sat in my self pity,  I thought back to last night over and over, trying to make sense of the conversation and revelations. Thinking back, something Mel had said in passing stuck out. She mentioned self defense, that that was why I killed him. But why would I need to defend myself from him? Josh was the most pacifistic person I knew, he wouldn’t even kill the spiders in our apartment, instead releasing them back outside, much to my displeasure. None of this made sense. 

“Hello? I called out into the empty room. “Is anyone there? I have… I have some questions about last night, about what you told me. About Josh.”

All I got back in response was the beeping of the machines. I put my head back onto the pillows and sighed. They were going to kick me out for sure. I begged for them to tell me, promised I’d control myself, and I blew it. Again. I hope Kennedy wasn’t being punished for my inability to control myself, and I hope Mel knows I really did try. I had the best intentions.

“Hello?” I tried again. “Look, I’m not sure if anyone is listening, but I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to react like that, I was just shocked and overwhelmed, I don’t expect you to forgive me or anything, but I’m sorry.”

More silence. I layed there strapped down for what felt like hours before someone finally walked in. Dr. Alice. Not exactly who I wanted to see, but I was just happy to not be alone anymore. 

“Mia.” she said rather curtly before turning her attention to her clipboard. I watched her to try and gauge how she felt and what to expect, but her expression gave nothing away. Finally, she turned her gaze to me.

“Can you tell me the last thing you remember?”

“Someone, you I’m guessing, stabbing me in the neck.” She seemed surprised by that.

“So you remember last night? What we told you?” I nodded. She quickly stood up and left the room without a word, but I swear I saw a smirk on her face as she left. 

After a few moments she returned with Mel, both of them looking happier than I’d ever seen them.

“Mia, dear, how are you feeling?” Mel asked, taking a seat on the edge of my bed.

“Okay. A bit of a headache and getting sick of these,” I pulled against my restraints. Mel smiled and quietly undid them. “Thanks.” Mel nodded.

“So, Alice tells me you remember what happened last night.” I nodded, feeling my cheeks flush. Suddenly, I felt embarrassed about everything, about Mel seeing me like that, unable to control myself and my emotions. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of dear, we all have our own tumultuous journeys when it comes to healing.” She put her hand on my knee before continuing. 

“This is wonderful progress Mia, really. You’ve never remembered before, we were always back to square one after the sedative wore off. It means the treatments are finally starting to work. That you can start to integrate more into our community.” My heart fluttered at the idea. I’d been isolated for so long. Angry, alone, confused, and now there was a light at the end of the tunnel. The excitement was enough for me to ignore the persisting unease I had felt since first arriving, but not enough for me to stop asking questions.

“Last night, you mentioned something about killing him in self defense. Do you know what happened? Why I would… Why Josh would try to hurt me? That’s just so unlike him.”

Mel and Dr. Alice exchanged a glance before answering.

“Well, we don’t know for certain all the details, but it seems like there was an argument that escalated. Neighbors reported hearing some yelling coming from your apartment. When Kennedy found you, you had bruises on your arms from being grabbed and around your neck, do you remember that?”

I thought back to the first day I was here, but nothing rang a bell. All I could remember was the intense pain I was in, both physically and mentally. I shook my head.

“That’s okay,” she said, squeezing my leg. “The memories will come back in time with more treatments. I’m so proud of you Mia, this is truly a turning point.” She smiled.

Having Mel’s approval felt so nice, I didn’t realize how much I’d been missing that maternal affection.

“Mel? Will I get to see my family soon?” She hesitated slightly before answering.

“We’ve been trying to get in contact with them, but they’ve been hard to track down. As soon as that happens you’ll be the first to know.” Before I could respond, Talia walked in, but her answer set off some alarm bells in me. Sure I lived a few hours away from my parents, but it’s not like they were off the grid type of people, and they’d definitely be looking for me after no contact for several weeks. I wanted to press further, but decided to wait until a better time. I didn’t want to press my luck so soon after last night’s meltdown. 

“Ah, Talia, perfect timing. Mia, she’s going to escort you back to your room, you need to get some rest. We’ll pick up your treatments again tomorrow and Alice will begin to implement your integration plan into the broader community here.” She squeezed my leg again before leaving, followed closely by Dr. Alice.

Talia stood silently by the door, her gaze fixed on her feet. I made my way off the bed and walked towards her. “You’re kind of like my personal tour guide, huh?” I joked, trying to lighten the mood. She didn’t react. “Okay, well, I guess we can head back then.” At that she turned and headed down the hallway.

As we silently walked back to my room, I noticed she had a large bruise on the back of her arm. It looked like someone had grabbed her. I wanted to ask her about it, but decided not to, it’s not as if I’d get a response anyways.

After a few more minutes we were back at my room. Talia stayed at my door for a moment, almost like she wanted to say something.

“Thank you, again. I’d never find my way around without you.” I smiled at her. She nodded, but made no moves to leave. “Is everything alright Talia?” For the first time since meeting her – or rather remembering meeting her – she looked me in the eyes. They were filled with tears, like she was about to start crying any second.

“The overseer- uh I mean Mother Mel, she’s-” Kennedy walked up just then, instantly causing Talia to stop speaking and resume looking at the floor. 

“Don’t let me interrupt, go on, finish what you were saying, I’d love to hear.” Kennedy said while crossing her arms. She smiled as she said it, but her tone was more of a taunt. Talia just shook her head before taking off quickly down the hall. 

As soon as she was gone, Kennedy’s whole demeanor changed, she was back to the bubbly girl I’d become used to.

“Teenagers,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Mother Mel told me you remembered last night, that’s awesome Mia! And since you did so well, I was able to convince her to let you have this back,” she pulled out my journal and handed it to me.

“Keep up the good work and you’ll get a lot more than an old journal.” Something about the way she said that sent a chill down my spine. I tried to shake it off, besides, I was just happy to have my journal back.

“Thanks Ken. For everything.”

“Of course, we’re sisters after all.” She smiled at me, never breaking eye contact, a stark difference from Talia. “Well, I’ll let you get some rest. Just call if you need anything.” She said pointing to the phone that was now on my nightstand. I hadn’t noticed it when I walked in. 

Kennedy closed the door and I was once again alone with my thoughts, but at least this time I wasn’t strapped to a bed. I opened my journal and immediately knew something was off. It seemed like entries I’d just read yesterday were gone, or altered slightly, like someone else had written them. But it was certainly my handwriting. I chalked it up to just being groggy and confused from the sedative. 

I flipped through the empty pages of the journal and noticed two pages stuck together, like they’d been glued. I gently pulled them apart and saw a passage written in handwriting I didn’t recognize. “You’re not safe, you need to leave. Meet me after bed checks tomorrow evening in the hallway behind the rec room. -T”.