I opened the file to a picture of who I assumed was me. It must have been taken shortly after I got here…I barely recognized myself. My hair was knotted and greasy, my eyes were bloodshot, and my arms were covered in cuts and bruises. There was a description underneath. 

“Mia Fisher. Twenty three year old female. Found wandering the streets alone and disheveled. Very temperamental, prone to violent outbursts. Approach all treatment with extreme caution. 

I need to be approached with extreme caution? I’ve never been an overly aggressive person, and now multiple people are telling me I’m violent? Half a page into this and I already feel sick. 

Flipping to the next page did not make me feel any better. The last thing I expected to see was a picture of Josh. It was an older picture, from the night we celebrated our second anniversary. He was wearing the watch I’d bought him, it was a beautiful red and gold Invicta, his current favorite. I told him it’s a placeholder for the Rolex I was saving up for, and he just laughed. After not being able to remember his face, seeing this picture of him was almost too much to handle. I tried to hold my tears back, but the longer I stared, the worse I felt. 

“Joshua Barns. Twenty four year old deceased male. Patient Mia Fisher’s significant other. Do not press her on their relationship or what happened. Let her broach the topic.” I kept reading, but when I got to his cause of death, it was blacked out, like no one was supposed to know.

Quickly, I skimmed the rest of the file, dozens of passages were redacted. I was furious. What game was Melinda trying to play here? She says I can read my file and get answers, then gives me a gutted version of it? 

I got up from my chair and stormed back into the dining hall, making a beeline for Melinda. 

“Oh Mia, you finished rather qui-”

“What the hell is your deal?” I shouted louder than I wanted, but I was pissed. 

As soon as the words left my mouth the room fell completely silent. I kept going. “You tell me you’ll give me answers and then hand me this bullshit?” I threw the file at her. Melinda never even flinched, she was actually smiling which only made me more upset. “Oh, this is funny to you?”

Melinda let out an amused sigh and held up her hands. 

“Mia, please, come with me back to my office and I’ll explain. Kennedy dear,” she called across the hall, “please come join us.” Kennedy made her way to me, her face was pale white, it’s like she’d seen a ghost.

“What is wrong with you!” she whisper yelled at me. “No one talks back to Mother Mel! You’re going to get the both of us punished now.” She didn’t wait for me to reply before stalking off to Melinda’s office. I stood outside the door for a moment. I never wanted Kennedy to be roped into this, but I needed to get to the bottom of this. 

“Mia, I believe there’s been a misunderstanding here. Please give me a chance to explain.” She gestured for me to sit down again and smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. Kennedy looked terrified. 

I sat down, arms crossed. “Go on.”

“I should have been more clear, the file will give you answers, you will know what happened, but not all the gory details.” She glanced at Kennedy before continuing. “Due to your…predisposition to violence, I felt it necessary to give you an abridged version of events until you were more stable.”

“How is a gutted retelling going to give me answers to everything? I’m losing chunks of time, I barely remember what happened to get me here, I haven’t been able to see my family in weeks, and now you’re treating me like some wild animal who can’t control themselves! I want some real answers or I’m gone.” My sentence hung in the silence, the air in the room felt thick, like I was suffocating. I was bluffing about leaving, but I was so angry, I needed her to take me seriously. 

“Mia, please try to calm down.” Kennedy said. Her voice was soft, the petrified look on her face never wavered. 

“Why are you so afraid of her?” I asked. Kennedy and Melinda once again shared a glance before Melinda nodded.

“Show her.” Melinda gestured to Kennedy’s arm. Slowly, she rolled up the sleeve of her dress to reveal several bruises that were all in different stages of healing.

“Oh my god, Ken, did she do this to you?” I turned back to Melinda. “Is this what you do to people? Hurt them until they’re terrified to stand up to you?” Melinda let out a dry chuckle. 

“I didn’t do this to Kennedy, Mia. You did.”

“Bullshit!”

“Mia, it’s true.” Kennedy said. She wouldn’t look at me. 

“That doesn’t make any sense, I would never hurt Kennedy, I’ve never hurt anyone!” Melinda inhaled sharply.

“Mia, this is what we’re trying to get you to understand. You go into these sort of rage fits when we try to discuss the accident with you. This last time, Dr. Alice and I thought having Kennedy deliver the news would be easier for you to take. Clearly, that was a mistake.”

I looked between Kennedy and Melinda, trying to find any indication that they were lying, but Kennedy still wasn’t looking at me and Melinda was completely stone faced. 

“So,” Melinda continued, “when I called in Dr. Alice today and interrupted your session, we came up with the idea of giving you the general overview to try and gauge your mental state. Obviously, you’re still not ready.”

My head was spinning. Melinda seemed genuine in what she was saying, and I had no reason not to believe Kennedy. But something still felt wrong.

“Please, let me have another chance. I’m sorry for my outbursts before, I’m just struggling a lot with these missing memories.”

“I understand, but we can’t risk you injuring someone else. You’re way too fragile right now.” I could feel myself becoming more desperate, and I think Melinda sensed that too.

“I’ll make you a deal. You go back out to Sunday Ceremony, apologize to your sisters for your outburst, and try to just integrate into our community tonight. Depending on how you handle this and your mental state tomorrow, Dr. Alice and I will discuss another option for you concerning the information in your file. Do you think you can do that?”

“Yes.” I answered instantly. Kennedy seemed to relax at this and let out a sigh.

“Good, this is good progress for you dear. Now, come on, let’s get back to the others.”

Melinda guided both of us back to the dining hall. As soon as she walked in, all the conversations ceased. She took her place back on the altar, standing in front of her throne.

“All, our sister Mia has something she’d like to say.” Melinda gestured for me to join her. Slowly, I walked up the steps to stand beside her. “Well, go on dear.”

I stared out at the sea of women. All wearing identical dresses to me, all sat expressionless, all waiting for me to speak.

“Hi, uhm…” I started.

“Speak up dear.” Melinda said. I nodded.

“Right, sorry.” I cleared my throat and started again. “Hi, I just uhm… I just wanted to apologize for my outburst earlier. It was out of line and I’m not proud of it. I hope you can forgive me and that we can all finish today on a positive note.” I looked over at Melinda and she was smiling. Having her approval felt good all things considered. She turned to hug me.

We stayed in the embrace for about twenty seconds longer than was comfortable. Mel was petting my hair with one hand and stroking my back with the other.

“You’ll always have a place here.” She whispered in my ear. After the chaos of today, hearing her say that pushed me over the edge. I was bawling and couldn’t stop myself. Mel just continued to hold me.

Once I finally regained my composure, Mel stepped back and took my face in her hands. “Very good dear, very good.” She dropped my face and turned back to everyone. “Thank you Mia, that was beautifully said. I think I speak for all of us when I say we forgive you, and are so happy you’re our sister.”

Everyone began to snap in what I assume to be agreement and stood up. “Now, let’s finish tonight’s Ceremony on a high note!” Several younger girls came out of the kitchen serving everyone some kind of cake. I made my way back to my table with Kennedy, who was back to her normal upbeat self.

“That was a great speech Mia, I think tonight was a turning point for you.” Kennedy whispered to me and gave a thumbs up.

Just then a plate with a piece of chocolate cake was set down in front of me. “Thank you- oh, Talia, hi. It’s good to see you again.” I smiled at her. She just stared at me blankly before making her way back to the kitchen.

“Did I do something to offend her?” I asked Kennedy. She shook her head.

“Talia’s just going through a phase, some of the other teens are as well. Even in places as great as this, you can’t escape teenage angst.” She chuckled to herself and took a bite of cake. I forced out a laugh and gave her a strained smile back. It was hard not to feel bad for Talia, but if Kennedy said she’d be okay, then I believe her. 

The rest of the evening was an uneventful blur. I got to meet some more of the women, and for the most part they were all lovely. There were a couple who didn’t seem all that interested in getting to know me, but I can’t really blame them. I don’t think I’d be keen to befriend the screaming new girl either.

Finally, I was in bed after this nightmare of a day. I kept replaying my conversations with Mel over and over again. I trusted her, but I didn’t. Do not trust them. I drifted to sleep accompanied by the familiar uneasiness I’ve come to expect. 

***

“Mia! Mia! Get up!” I groaned at the banging and shouting happening outside my door. “Mia! Come on!” It was Kennedy.

“One minute.” I forced out, rolling off my bed. I threw on my sweats and t-shirt again and opened the door. “Yes?” She grabbed my arm and began dragging me down the hall.

“Kennedy, what the hell are you doing?” It was way too early for this.

“Dr. Alice and Mother Mel told me to come get you right away, they figured out a way to tell you!”

“Really?!” I wasn’t expecting to hear about this so soon. 

“Really! Mother Mel was so touched by your speech and general behavior at Sunday Ceremony, she stayed up all night thinking of a solution for you.”

“So this is really happening.” I was talking to myself more than Kennedy, but she answered anyway.

“Yes! I think this time is going to stick, I have a good feeling.”

We made our way to Dr. Alice’s office where she and Mel waited for us.

“Wonderful to see you both,” Mel said, standing from her place on the couch. “No sense in wasting time right? Come here Mia, take a seat.” Mel gestured to a wooden chair. It had straps around the arms and legs.

Hesitantly, I sat down. Dr. Alice went to fasten the straps but I pulled away.

“Is that necessary?”

“Yes.” She answered very matter of fact before grabbing my wrist and securing it. 

“It’s for your safety as much as ours,” Mel said. “We think you’re forgetting because the sessions are being cut short due to your outbursts. This way, you can absorb the information without fear of lashing out at someone.” I nodded, and Dr. Alice fastened the last strap on my ankle. 

“Now, Mia,” Mel started, “you know Josh is dead.” It wasn’t a question. She kept going. “He died three weeks ago, and you were there.” I could feel my heart rate increase and my palms were sweaty. Mel turned her computer towards me.

“Do you recognize this?” It was a trophy I won for my art back in high school. I nodded. “Does it mean anything to you regarding Josh?” I shook my head. She clicked to the next picture. “And now?” It was the trophy again, but this time it was covered in blood. I tried to cover my eyes but the straps stopped me. 

“This is what was used to kill Josh. Someone bludgeoned him repeatedly. Do you remember that?” My throat was dry and my mind was spinning as bits of that day flashed in my head. “Do you remember hitting him Mia?” She clicked again. A picture of Josh’s dead body laying on our living room floor filled the screen.

“I didn’t hit him.” Tears filled my eyes as I tried to wriggle out of the straps to leave. “Please, I can’t look at this.” I whispered. Mel didn’t change the picture. 

“Look at him Mia, you did this. You need to look, to remember so you can heal.” I was fully panicking now. I wouldn’t do that, I would never hurt Josh. This wasn’t true.

“You’re lying, you’re a liar!” I shrieked out at Mel, continuing to fight against my restraints. I saw Kennedy out of the corner of my eye, she was covering her face with her hands.

“Mia, please try to calm down, you’re safe here. You killed Josh in self defense. Try to remember.” Her voice remained calm and even as I say there crying. A memory of swinging the trophy at Josh flashed across my mind.

“No no no! You’re playing a trick on me! You’re all liars!” I broke the strap loose on my left wrist.

“Mia, I need you to please try to relax.” but I couldn’t as another memory uncovered itself, this time it was blood all over my hands, Josh laying dead. I started hitting myself in the head, trying to make the images disappear.” 

“Make it stop! Josh I’m sorry, please make it stop!” Just then I felt a sharp pain in my neck. Everything around me started to get fuzzy, and then it went dark.